I can't keep doing this. It's doesn't matter how much what I do or how much time I put in my art nobody seems to be interests in it. Maybe I should start drawing more NSFW art? Then will Others start careing? Probably not since I'm invisible to everyone online and in real life but it's so tiring to do all this work and nothing to show for it. I'm not artists but a wannabe that knows nothing but failer. So why try anymore and if any of you say just be positive. I ask how when I have nothing but my art? So tell me how dose one live when they lost everything and been trying for years to get it back but can't?
Hello and welcome to my page. I go by Tabby Kazuki. I'm a self taught artist/animator who has been doing art since 2006. I tend to do more artwork than animations. So you'll see that more often.
Tabby Kazuki
@FoxMew4044
Age 27, Any
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A School
Ville D'or
Joined on 2/17/19
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I'm tired
Comments
@FoxMew4044 Hmm....Well the reason why I replied for was because you were reminding me of myself. I create photo edits, poems, stories, music, videos and sure I get some attention but when I don't get enough, fast enough then I quit and move onto another website to try again. That is what I am doing now, here, on newgrounds.
All of that creates a feeling of "No one really cares about me or what I do" along with getting angry at the public because they seem to like such stupid shit. Then I feel like that I have to lower myself or copy other people just to get seen. That and feeling worthless, like why even try? Then life becomes pointless. Meaningless.
Then again, even when I am seen and people say good things to me, I'm like "Thanks :)" but inside I don't really care because it is never good enough.
My best friend said this to me: "What you put your attention on is what you will get."
You have an expectation of the future. Of a reality that you want to get to, right?
The problem is that by focusing attention on that reality where you are successful or seen, or people buy your artwork, whatever it is.....It will just cause pain. Because it is not true to your current reality.
It is just an idea. How can you improve yourself really or find out what you may want to do in life if this expectation of the future is hanging over you like some god to worship or live up to.
I might not even want that projected future anymore but I don't know because I still cling onto it. I have invested too much into it. To much attention. To much work. I can't drop this idea of the future. Of who I am as a person, right?
Stop. Step back. See the thoughts. The projected future. The reactions. The emotions. Breathe. Then focus your attention on something else.
For me, my projection is one of making money from what I do. I need lots of attention to do that. However, this projection comes from a place of fear. Because I need that money and fast because my money has gone down alot and I want certain organisations to get off my back and leave me alone.
However, I actually do not value money. I see it as worthless. Yet I need to sell my soul to just live. That is the view that I am in. I hate it. It seems like that the very world is out to get my soul or stop me. Which means the world is my enemy.
You see how each view will stop me? I need attention from people that I am seeing as an enemy or a threat. I need money to live but I see money as evil. Something I need to sell my soul for. Which = Death of creativity and exploring = Death of my soul. Yet I need that creativity and exploring to get attention and money but that just cycles back around to the "Death zone"
This is what idea or expectation of reality I am clinging onto. So actually really, the only reality I am creating for myself is one where I kill my own creativity and my soul.
Hmm.....I did not know that before now.....Maybe something like that is happening to you too?
Have a look and see what is really going on inside yourself.
Now, can I drop this expectation? Hmm....Let's find out.....
Well I don't know how to respond to that but I know it's mainy me being angry at myself for my past mistakes. Wondering what if I've done things differently and how they would have turn out. I guess an idea future? I really don't know. I guess I'm trying to fix what's broken?
AlistairWinter
That is a great power source you've got there!
You've got frustations, anger, hopelessness and feel like that you've got to give up on the very thing which gives you life - Your art, your creativity, your self expression....Giving it up just to be seen, to be noticed, for someone to actually see your true self.
I see you and you can use those so called negative emotions, that frustration to create something new. To channel it into becoming a even greater person then you ever were before.
This is the point of self growth - Why deny the frustration? Use it, express it!
You've not lost your soul! You've not lost your connection to life! You are very powerful! As are we all.
I wish you well in this journey called life ~
(One final note - I saw you said that nobody was interested in your art - Are you interested in your art? In you? If you are then why let the failure stop you? All that matters is what you think about yourself and your art because you will always be with you, no matter what - You will be there at the end when everyone else is gone - You will always have your back - Remember that )
FoxMew4044
Actually yes I am interested in my work and I put so much time and effort in every piece but how can I not get discouraged after awhile when I'm trying as hard as I can but with nothing to show for it